I have a confession to make.

I have no idea how to be an actor in Chicago.

I was a theatre major at Grinnell College, a small liberal arts school in Iowa. This summer I returned Chicago, where I grew up, and I have decided that I am going to be an actor. I am currently residing in my parent’s basement.

 

This blog will be a guide. It will take you through all the steps I experience as I attempt to become an actor. I would like this guide to become the most honest guide ever written, in that it will be written as I discover the steps myself.

That said, there is no guarantee that I will achieve my goal, making the title potentially inaccurate. Perhaps, at some point, I will find it necessary to rename this guide “How to Have a Mental Breakdown in Chicago” or “How to Become a Permanent Member of the Food Service Industry.” In this case, the guide may become significantly less helpful, although no less honest.

 

Are you a fellow aspiring actor? Then perhaps this guide will provide you with some helpful tips.

Are you someone who considered acting, but chose another, safer path? Then this guide will allow you to live vicariously through me, and, in all likelihood, arrive at the realization that you made the correct choice, helping you sleep more soundly at night.

Are you very, very bored? I recommend George R.R. Martin’s book series, A Song of Ice and Fire, on which the popular HBO show Game of Thrones is based. However, if you have already made your way through the five existing tomes of Martin’s fine series, why not stick around? I promise to be mildly entertaining.

Are you a critic from the future, attempting to discover how the inspirational national treasure that is Joe Kloehn became the most brilliant actor of his generation? Well, sure, you could read this, but you could also just browse my latest autobiography: Joe Kloehn: Becoming the Most Brilliant Actor of My Generation.

Are you a lover of schadenfreude? Then this guide is a potential gold mine, you monster.

 

Please bookmark this site. It will be updated weekly.