Now you have your headshots. Congratulations. Take them out and look at them. Pretty nice, huh? So professional. Kind of makes you feel like a real actor. Now take one of those fine headshots and flip it over. Do you see your resume there, handsomely stapled to the back? Look at all those credits. What great experience. Who wouldn’t want to cast you? Now take that headshot and put it face-up on your knee. Look at that picture again. You’re such a good lookin’ fella. Now take another headshot and put it on your other knee. Then, very carefully, take a third headshot and balance it on your head. Finally, spin your chair around and shout, “I AM KLAXTOR, THE MANY-HEADED DESTROYER OF WORLDS! I HAVE COME FOR YOUR CHILDREN!”

Very good. You are learning.

Now, perhaps you are wondering what to do with those headshots besides summoning the spirits of The Ancient Ones. I recommend attending auditions, where you will give those headshots to directors before performing monologues and prepared sides. Hopefully, through this process, you will get cast in a play, thus holding off the necrohordes for another of Mercury’s orbits.

But how do you find these auditions?

I have heard tell that sometime during the last millennium there was a printed publication distributed among the primitive actors of that period which informed them of upcoming auditions, providing information like where and when said audition would take place. Now, however, we live in world where words like “printed” and “publication” have all but lost their meaning, and no such document exists. Instead, we must turn to our hive-mind overlord that we know as Internet. Within this web of think pieces, foot-fetish videos, and fantastic, helpful, informative blogs, there are several hidden locations where Chicago audition notices are posted. And, because I am the pinnacle of human decency, I present them to you now:

League of Chicago Theatres: http://www.leagueofchicagotheatres.org/component/industryaudition/industryauditionlist.html

Chicago Artists Resource: http://www.chicagoartistsresource.org/calls-for-artists?keys=&field_car_location_value=chicago&field_call_type_value=auditions&discipline=Theater

Theatre in Chicago: http://www.theatreinchicago.com/auditions/

BOOM! There you go. The best places I know of to find non-equity audition postings. You should really be paying me for this.

But, like, really.

Really.

Think about it.

*ahem*

So, there it is. Go to these sites. Find auditions at times you can attend that are looking for actors of your type. Each posting will most likely provide an email address, so send an email to this address to schedule an audition slot. Always attach a digital headshot and resume in one combined PDF. You can show up to an audition without scheduling a slot, but it’s a poor show.

Don’t put on a poor show. You’re an actor. Shows are kind of your thing.

And remember, Klaxtor is watching.

Always watching.