Ah ha! You almost forgot this step, didn’t you? This why your email account and cell phone are filled with angry messages from someone named “Stage Manager.” You can’t just go around telling people you’ve been cast. You actually need to attend rehearsals.

First, where are your rehearsals? A theatre? Well, aren’t you fancy? Mr. Fancypants. Fancypants McGee. Lord Fancypants McGee Moneysworth the Third. You’re all like, “Look at me everyone! My rehearsals are in a THE-ATE-RE. I like opera and burning hundred dollar bills in front of the migrant workers who tend to my caviar fields. I’m positively made of money! MADE OF IT. AH HA HA! HEE HEE HEE! HO HO HO! MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!”

*ahem*

My point is, if you’re doing storefront theatre, you’ll probably spend some time rehearsing in your director’s house before you get access to theatre space.

So how are you going to get to your director’s house? You’ll drive? In your car? Of course, because you’re all like, “I’m Lord Fancypants McGee Moneysworth the Third and I have a car and a driver’s license. I brush my teeth with escargot and the tears of the impoverished. NO MORE PORRIDGE FOR YOU!  AH HA HA! HEE HEE HE—”

Sorry about that. It won’t happen again.

Take the bus.

Note: The bus, as public transit enthusiasts may notice, is very different from the train. The train is typically full of professional commuters on their way to work. Yes, occasionally you see the odd desperate-looking fellow snorting pinches of cocaine, but note that this individual is always doing it in a quiet and respectful manner. The bus, on the other hand, is full of lunatics who have no understanding of manners or human hygiene. I do not know whether this difference is because of the 25¢ price gap or simple proximity to street level, but if you take the bus, expect a lengthy and laborious journey full of mysterious smells and unnecessary shouting.

Anyway, rehearsals should be fun. Listen to the director, provide input when it seems appropriate, don’t try to coach other actors, and make interesting choices. Try to stay upbeat, don’t be too distracting, and work with your scene partner. You’ll be fine.

I have rehearsals every evening from Sunday to Thursday. However, because I am only playing bit parts and understudying, I don’t have to be at every one. If you are in a leading role, WHY ARE YOU AHEAD OF ME? YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE FOLLOWING THIS BLOG STEP BY STEP! THAT’S WHY I’M PUTTING ALL THIS EFFORT INTO MAKING THIS DARN THING! IF YOU’RE JUST GOING TO BE LIKE, “I’M BETTER THAN JOE. I CAN JUST BE A LEAD RIGHT AWAY. I’M LORD FANCYPANTS MCGEE MONEYSWORTH THE THIRD AND I DON’T NEED SILLY LITTLE BLOGS,” THEN JUST STOP READING! NO ONE WANTS YOU HERE!

SO THERE.

Wait, no, where are you going?

Come back!

No, no, that? I didn’t mean any of that.

No, of course not.

Yes, I know I overused the caps button and kept calling you fancypants. I’m sorry.

I know it was hurtful.

I think your pants are totally normal.

Yes, of course.

They look great on you!

Really.

Please come back next week.

Please?

You will?

Aw, thanks. You’re really sweet.

Oh, you don’t have to flatter me like that.

You’ll read it every week until I stop writing? Wow!

Such commitment. That’s just great.

You’re the best.

No, you’re the best!

No, you!

Aw, alright, if you insist. See you next time, bud!