“Tech week” (or “Technical Week”) is the final week in the rehearsal process of a theatrical production in which all the technical elements are added. The focus shifts from the actors to the set, costumes, lights, and sound. All the director’s efforts go into making sure these elements are working in harmony. At this point, the actors’ performances have been solidified. In fact, because the director’s focus is now solely on these technical elements, the actors can just relax and have fun doing a show they now know by the back of their hands.

Ha ha, no, no, I’m kidding. It’s always total chaos and everyone has nervous breakdowns.

Usually, the week before tech involves a few shaky runs while everyone gets used to not having their scripts. The actors are still making new discoveries and figuring out what does and doesn’t work, all while trying to remember their lines and blocking. During this time, the show is like a newborn fawn taking its first steps. Tech week is like grabbing that fawn, shoving it in a van, driving it to a theatre, stuffing it into ill-fitting clothes, dragging it onto a darkened stage, blasting music in its ears, and then shining bright, hot lights in its eyes.

The fawn does exactly what you expect. It freaks the hell out.

Among the actors, terrified looks, worried murmuring, and anguished sighs are common. Open weeping and throwing up are not unheard of. Also, tech week means extended hours, so everyone in the production is exhausted. From the actor’s perspective, the show does not look or feel good, and opening night is a week away. According to Wikipedia (in an article that “does not cite any references or sources”), tech week is also called “torture week” or “hell week.” This is because every member of the production feels as though they are about to witness the coming apocalypse.

This feeling of desperation reaches its zenith about two nights before the show opens. Then, depending on the production’s quality, the actor either realizes, “Hey, this could actually be a decent show!” or, “Hey, the Canadian border is only about five hours away! I bet I could make it out of the country before nightfall! I could change my name to Logan and become Mountie and wear one of those silly hats! It’s nothing but maple syrup and Tim Hortons for me from now on! GOODBYE, AMERICA!!!!!!!!”

This is why we lose so many actors to the Royal Canadian Mounted Police.

It’s a national tragedy.

So please, even if your show is crap, don’t immediately turn to the Mounties. There will be other shows. I promise.

Hang in there.

Of course, none of this applies to my current production of Twelfth Night, which is nothing but fantastic. Buy tickets. We open on Friday. I take over the role of Sir Andrew from the 10^th-12^th. Be there.